Some common parenting problems and how to solve them

"There are many people through out the world to criticize children, but only parents are to love, to cherish.  Children are the safest only to their parents"....

                        .........Swagata (Ghosh) Maity

Every parents in the world wants their child to be the best, to be established, to be healthy, to have a good education, to be a real person. Parents start dreaming after the birth of a child. As the child grew older, the parents impose that dream on the child. If the child does not follow the path of the dream developed by the parents, they try to force to follow up. This has become the meaning of parenting in our society.

                                                                             

Parenting doesn't mean that.  Parenting means raising a child from infancy to adulthood, helping the child's physical, mental, social and intellectual development.

Now I come straight to the point where we, as parents make mistakes and how we can easily guide them to the correct way and build a perfect, bright children. 

Accept as they are:- At the very tender age, a child tell everything what is happening with him to his parents. When the child grows up, the parents ask but do not want to say anything. Where the relationship was changed? When a child remain infant, parents are happy to listen about him, they smile and accept him. Gradually, when the child grows older, parents begin to pay less attention to the child. When the child says something to their parents with keen interest, most of the time the parents do not want to listen to them rather even if they do, they immediately reject it. The tone of the rule came out of the parents 'throats,' Why did you do that?  Never do it again'. 

                                                                           

Suppose a ten or twelve years old child leaves school and goes to play with friends without informing his parents. When the child returned home, he wanted to tell the whole story openly in genuine interest. As soon as the child returns home, the parents start scolding him without giving any importance to the child. If this happens a few times, that implanted in child's mind that the 'parents are not reliable, I can’t share everything with them.' Gradually he began to hide from his parents what had happened outside. And he's looking for someone to share them with.  Only then did his attraction to the outside world increase and his friends become more reliable and sincere to him than parents. His distance from his parents also increased day by day. If we accept the child as soon as he returns home without any angry reaction and say that 'it is okay what you have done, but you are a very good boy, you should not do these things.'

Answer the question:- Most parents tell their child 'Don't do this, don't do that'. Listening to these, the question arises in the mind of the child, 'What should I do then?' We did not answer this wonderful question of his childhood, on the contrary we show him anger, we try to keep him down. Try to answer all the questions of the child which will help him to fulfill his thirst of knowledge properly.

The children is not your property:- Children only come through you, not from you. Most parents think of their child as their own property or future investment. The behavior of the parents towards the child continues as usual.  If the child is not on the path tied by the parents, he will be scolded and even beaten. Instead of teaching the child to walk, we determine the way of life, we try to change the way of his or her life. Discipline is definitely needed but if there is no harmony between discipline and love then it becomes rule.

Look at yourself carefully:- A child tries to copy exactly his parents.  So take care of what you are doing yourself, your behavior, your speech, even your thoughts. Each of these is directly or indirectly ingrained in your child's mind and how his brain continues to develop. So if you want to raise your child then improve yourself, raise yourself.

                                                                         

Never compare child with any other:- Every child is individual. Raise his/ her capacity. Don't try to mold them. Almost every parent tries to put their child in some mold. Some parents wants their child to be like them and some parents want their child to be like some ideal person or they compare him with another child. Such comparisons create jealousy, ego in the child's mind, can make them superior or inferior.

Criticism:- Never criticise or use any negative statements to your child. Even you have to avoid any negative thoughts to him/her. 'My child is naughty, very slow, the child is lazy' etc. Never use this kind of negative sentences. It builds his identity, his level.

Reward make sense:- Children and even adults are very happy with the rewards before or after doing something. Reward each child for their small good deeds. Reward means I am not talking about any material things here, reward can be applause, praise or any tapping, hug, love. Pretend not to notice the child's mistakes. Give much importance to their small good deeds.

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How to get inspiration from within

Inspiration is the fuel to the journey of our own life. Inspiration helps us to be motivated and successful. It develops the power within. Inspiration is the quality that we can develop within ourselves.

                                                                               

Verious outside meterial or a lot of people can inspire us in different ways. If we go back to our childhood we ​​will see that sometimes a piece of chocolate given to us by our parents or the applause of the teacher has inspired us very much. Sometimes we are inspired by the clapping of the audience. Sometimes the pinch of another inspires us to give the appropriate answer. Again, this happens when we are inspired by a celebrity or someone in the family to whom we consider to be an ideal. When we grow up, our biggest inspiration is love and money. The story of achieving extraordinary success in someone's life inspires us a lot.

If you think a little deeper, you will see that all these are very interim. Whenever chocolate runs out your motivation disappears. As soon as you run out of pocket money, you will wander around with pain in your mind. We break down emotionally when the lover says goodbye.

The sooner a person or a meterial thing from the outside world can inspire you, the more it can demotivate you again. Just as inspiration from the outside world has a profound effect on our lives, in many cases it can lead to a destructive life. Young generation of the present age are becoming drug addicted at the instigation of the outside world. Addiction to the abuse of electronics-gadgets is rising up.

                                                                             

The right inspiration shows the way of potential to an indifferent person. Recent research has shown that inspiration can be activated, retained and manipulated from within, which can change the outcome of a human life.

If we can be inspired from our own minds, that motivation can never go away for a small reason. Only that inspiration can provide us with the logistics to guide us to the right path forever.

Now let's see how we can be inspired from within. The Creator has given us an infinitely powerful mind by which man has made the impossible to possible. And our own inspiration has worked behind all these accomplishments. At the root of this is 'why?'. Our minds always want to know 'why' before doing any work. That is, if you can give your mind the right answer to 'why' you are doing it and explain it with enough reason, then nothing else can stop you. The word 'why' has an extraordinary power.

There are two sides to our every task, one is positive and the other is negative. Most of the time we highlight the negative aspects to our minds and as a result we get uninspired. If we do the opposite, that is, if we can make our minds aware of the positive sides of the task, then we will be inspired from within. If your mind is satisfied with the answer to 'why' then strong desire will be created in you. Your strong desire can build your inspiration within. If you develop an intense Desire you will then make a firm resolve, when you have a firm resolve you will put in immense effort.

There are many parents throughout the world who want their son to become Sachin Tendulkar. They enrolls their kids in a good coaching academy, to encourage buys an expensive kit, takes him to the cricket ground by an expensive car, provide valuable foods. But about 90% of them quit the game a few days later. Why is this happened in spite of such external inspiration? For one thing, they are not inspired from within. Their minds are not satisfied with 'why'.

                                                                           

The little boy, today's world famous Sachin Tendulkar, from the very first day of his cricketing life, was able to explain his infinitely ugly and strong mind 'why' he will play cricket. He visualized the feeling of winning the cup for the country that day. Of course, his own inspiration was further boosted by external inspiration.

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The real way to 'how the MIND itself can turn someone's life from hell to heaven'.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven"..

               John Milton, Author ( Paradise Lost),             

                                                                           

Today I will tell you a short story of Sindhutai Sapkal, the lady called "Mother of Orphans", whose nickname is Chindhi, which means a torn piece of cloth,  was born on 14 November 1948 (age 72 years), Wardha, who was forced to drop out of fourth grade due to her family's commitment and early marriage. At the age of 10, she was married to a 30-year's-old man. When she was twenty, her husband beat her and threw her away and she was then nine months pregnant. Later, on the same day, she gave birth to a baby girl in a barn and walked a few kilometers to her mother's house. Her mother drove her away without giving her shelter. In such a helpless state, finding nothing, she finally cut off her umbilical cord with a sharp stone. This incident left such a deep scar on her mind that she wanted to commit suicide. Later she got rid of that thought and started begging at the railway station to bring after her daughter. While begging, she saw that there were many helpless children who are abandoned by their parents, and were begging with a lot of pain in their lives. She felt their pain and decided to adopt them. Her new war started, and she began begging loudly to put a handful of food in the mouths of the helpless children. Gradually she decided she would adopt all the Orphan kids there and she did so.

    

So far as she has adopted and cared for more than fifteen hundred Orphan Children. Not only that, she has taken all responsibility for their education, marriage, and establishment. Many of them are now established as doctors, engineers, or lawyers. She has won over 500 awards so far and she spent all the prize money on her children. She was conferred the Padma Shri in 2021 in the Social Work category. Many of you may know the life story of Dr. Sindhutai Sapkal. This story is probably inspiring many of you, or will, but most do not know that her mind is the mastermind of this outstanding achievement. There was no one or nothing with her. With her, there was no society, no environment, and no relatives. Except only one resource that is her mind'. It is this mind that has shown her the way out of the most complex problems and has given her the urge to live. She had many reasons to give up and commit suicide. Whenever she shifted her mind to the neglected children on the way, her mind comforted her by saying, "Look, these helpless children need you more than yours." Inspired by saying "You have to do something for them." From the core of her mind, she realized, 'What is the purpose of her life!' That's why she said, "I am there for all those who have no one". 

                            

Most of us (more than 95 percent) don't know what our purpose is. So we give up everything when something happens a little. We never ask ourselves, 'Did I come to this world for a purpose?' If you find your purpose in life, your life will be filled with happiness. This universe will give you a lot of logistics to survive. You can never harvest gold by scattering grass seeds in your fertile land. When you see a corpse coming out of the hospital, you start wailing, thinking, and saying all the negative things. Have you ever noticed how many new babies are being born in that hospital every day? Ever said 'wow what a wonderful!'

 

Our mind always wants to avoid pain and gain pleasure. The same thing happened with 'Mother of Orphans'. She was thinking about her pain all the time. She repeatedly told herself about the extreme pain of her life. In the end, she decided to commit suicide to get rid of that pain. Whenever she saw and thought about the street children, she immediately began to enjoy the pleasure of being able to do something for those children, the joy of being able to help others, and the joy of devoting herself to the welfare of others. Her mind was shifted to gain pleasure and today its real form is our 'Mother of Orphans'.

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Do you want to get rid of the dark, terrible black cloud of negative thoughts from your life?

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Like day and night, our minds become lighten and darken. When our minds are engulfed in the darkness of negative thoughts, we can no longer do or see anything good in our lives. Just like a beautiful rose in the dark or a delicious food does not matter. When the black cloud of negative thoughts comes to our minds, we run astray. But we can remove this deep dark black cloud and bring light back to life at any time, in any situation. The origin of negative thinking is our mind and the only thing we have control over is our mind.

          Many small events have happened or are happening in our lives and they are taking place in our minds one by one. Most of these events are happy for us and some of them are sad.

          Now, the fact is, which event do you remember the most? If you ask most people about their biography, you will hear them to explain all the tragic events they have and these things became part of their lives. Thus gradually all happiness and harmony disappears from their lives. Now you may think that everyone says' don't think negatively, but what is the way to avoid it?  Let me explain you. 

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          1)Don't share negative events with anyone: Usually people don't like to hear someone's grief, so to say these things in front of someone means to lose your importance which will make you suffer more. 

          If you keep saying negative things over and over again, it will go to your subconscious mind and register and gradually it will become your habit. Instead, keep saying  all about the positive events what was happened to you. Even if no one listens, keep saying in your mind. Enjoy any pleasant moment of life in your mind while sleeping every day. If you do these things every day, it will become your habit and you will be able to gradually come over of your dark life.

         2)Laugh out loud: However, if you are in a negative state, the laugh is very difficult because laughter will not come from inside. The first thing you have to do is force yourself to Lough consciously, gradually it will become a pattern in your unconscious mind. If necessary, read comedy books or watch comedy movies. We do a lot of work against our minds, this time go against your mind and Lough. If necessary, accompany those who can laugh.

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        3) Don't be a victim of guilt: Most of us has a habit of being a victim, instead, learn to take responsibility. No one can hurt you if you don't want to. Remember the mistake is that one of our great teacher, learn from those without being a victim for, and forget the rest. We worry too much about being a victim and wondering what people will say or think. Our lives are not about what people say or do.  If we do something good in our life, it will have a good effect on many people but no one wants to be a partaker of bad.

   

         Negetive thoughts are very powerful. They lead us to the failureness, make us unhappy and unhealthy. Can even summon up to death. We all have the right and the power to be happy. Choice is yours. Think about it, if you are not in this world, what is the value of what you are thinking about?

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